My parents passed away years ago and I myself is now many years passed the retirement age, why then do I want to do a review at this juncture of time? If for no other reasons, I think it would provide me the opportunity to know myself better. I feel it would also offers me the platform to understand my own behavior then, to fathom better the actions taken by my parents. It would offer me the time and space to reflect on the of the actions and reactions.
I remembered many a times when I wanted something I stood my ground and refused to bulge till my parents gave in. I often forced my way through and was very unreasonable and uncompromising in my demands. I acted without giving any thoughts to the positions of my father and mother. I was thoughtless enough to totally ignore their feelings and was oblivious to their obligations to my siblings. Though without meaning to, I am sure I had hurt them many a times. Though I loved my parents, my words, actions, reactions and behaviors then surely had caused much anxiety, pain, uncertainty, and worries. I am not proud of my thoughtlessness and the inconsiderate attitude of my youth.
Reviewing my own behavior and acts I reckon I was not perceptive enough. I did not possess enough empathy for my parents. I did not attempt to take into account the difficult position they were in as they were also parents to nine other children.
I was rash and impulsive and reflection was definitely not my strong point. Bulldozing my way through was my modus operandi. Cooperation and compromising were all foreign to me then. I did not try hard enough, I did not put in enough effort to be nice and obedient. I sincerely hope my own children would act differently from their father.
My own verdict is I had been totally obnoxious, opinionated and pig-headed, and now realised how much my parents had to put up with me. I appreciate my parents for they had showed me what compassion, and loving-kindness are. Of course I cannot turn the clock back. But I think it gives me a better understanding of how youths act and behave. I thank my parents for their sacrifice!
May they be happy, may they have good rebirths and be born into better realms.