“Lunatic” – where did this word come from?

We often use this word at someone to show our displeasure but when it us used on us we would be hopping mad. It is not a kind word, it hurts the other person very much to be called a lunatic, try not to use it. Here Tony Wootton and Gwen Zanzoterra give us the story how this word come about. They also relate why the thatched roofs are extended to cover the windows.

“LUNATIC”

This word comes from the Latin ‘luna’ meaning a moon and can mean someone who goes mad with the changes of the moon.

However, it is usually associated with the old belief that if the moon shone on you while you were alseep, it sent you mad – you became a lunatic. This is one reason why the old thatched roofs came so far down over the windows, they were to prevent the moon shining on someone sleep.

Thus the origin of the word and a bit of history on the thatched roofs. Below is a photo of a thatched roof.

Corruption is even brought into the US-Vietnam adoption deal

How pathetic can one get,  a program that is to help the settlement of young Vietnamese children to give them a better future has to end after corruption was exposed.

The Embassy found officials lining pockets by duping Vietnamese mothers into giving up infants for a free room. Babies born are kidnapped and stolen from their parents and effectively sold to families in the US and elsewhere. The dubious and greedy act has killed off an adoption scheme following exposure of the corruption involved.

The two-year-old adoption agreement between the US and Vietnam expired after each side failed to resolve disagreements over the programme. The scheme is to be suspended indefinitely, and up to 1,700 US couples with adoption applications in the pipeline are likely to be disappointed.

But the Vietnamese authorities pledged to continue processing adoptions for parents already matched with orphans.

The adoption plan began in 2006. A previous programme was stopped in 2003 because of fraud and corruption. Despite stronger safeguards the Vietnamese authorities were unable to police the new scheme and stamp out the irregularities.

An investigation by the US embassy in Hanoi, unveiled in April, revealed a host of ways whereby corrupt district officials were subverting the rules and duping illiterate and impoverished parents so as to make themselves big profits.

The six-month investigation of 300 cases unearthed disturbing situations, including hospitals sending babies to orphanages for overseas adoption in the wake of parents being unable to pay medical bills for the birth. Health officials also got financial inducements. In one case a grandmother sent a baby girl for adoption without the knowledge of the parents, though in that instance the baby was reunited with her mother.

“In five provinces,” the report said, “the embassy has discovered unlicensed, unregulated facilities that provide free room and board to pregnant women in return for their commitment to relinquish their children on birth. Women … report receiving up to 6m Vietnam Dong [£195] as payment for their children.”

Parents were often persuaded by health officials or orphanage staff to leave their babies and invariably were told, wrongly, their offspring would visit then return and stay permanently at the age of 11 or 12. Most were unaware that they would never see their child again.

To assure children’s eligibility for adoption, corrupt orphanage directors, with the aid of police or district officials, fraudulently produced papers indicating that babies had been “deserted”, meaning abandoned by the parents.

Several US adoption agencies were told that to get their licences they had to fund tours to the US for government officials, including “shopping sprees”. Agencies also reported that cash and in-kind donations were diverted to fund orphanage officials’ private purchases, including cars and jewellery, and in one case a “real estate development”.

Last year 828 Vietnamese children were adopted and taken to the US. In Britain the number amounted to about 10 a year. The figure for US adoptions was set to top that of last year before the Vietnamese government halted all new applications in the wake of the investigation.

This is human nature at its worst, human beings exploiting others human beings for their own gains. Officials and the Health personnel taken advantage of those they are supposed to help. The literate taken advantage of the illietrate, the rich and power exploiting the poor and the powerless. Because of the wanton behavior of these officials this program was brought to a halt – it is doubtful if the pending cases would be allowed to proceed. What about the other poor children if the whole program is scrapped. Is the Mighty Dollars so powerful that is can blind men to forsake young children’s future just to line their own pockets?

May good sense prevail and may compassion open the hearts of the corrupt officials.

Newlyweds loathe their gifts and would rather be given vouchers

Above is the title given to an article written on wedding gifts and the reactions of the newlyweds in the UK upon receiving them. Here is what was featured:

Run, before the gifts arrive! Couples feel burdened by unloved present.

Most newlyweds hate their wedding gifts and wish their guests had bought them vouchers, according to a new report.

Researchers who quizzed 1,000 couples married within the last two years found that 68 per cent were disappointed with their gifts.

The survey also revealed the top five gifts that couples love to hate are:

• Personalised bath robes

• Salt and pepper pots

• Candlesticks

• Photo frames

• Plates.

It also found that 72 per cent of couples would rather receive vouchers or money to spend on things they really want.

Couples say they feel obliged to display hideous ornaments, picture frames and vases for years so as not to offend the loved ones who bought them.

However, it seems vouchers can also be problematic. The survey showed that 28 per cent of couples who received them were disappointed with the designated retailer, finding the vouchers difficult to spend – and sometimes failing to use them at all before they expired.

Other results showed that 85 per cent of couples would prefer to choose their own gifts after receiving presents – including membership for a baboon charity, an olive tree and even an ant-catching kit.

A wedding service gift card has been launched by the Bridges Shopping Centre in Sunderland, which carried out the survey.

‘We were shocked to find so many unhappy couples surveyed on what should be a happy occasion,’ said marketing manager Sarah King.

Based on the above it seems the Chinese have the right idea, they normally give ‘red packets’. These red packets are red envelopes used to hold the wedding gifts. The Chinese are known for their practicality, in this area of wedding gifts it has the approval of the newlyweds judging from the comments above as the envelopes hold the mighty dollars!

Different cultures have different customs, wonder what the other nationalities give as wedding gifts. What do the South Americans, the Arabs, the Indians, Pakistanis, the Afghans, the Russians, The Italians and the people in the other countries give as wedding presents. It would be interesting to know. It would also be interesting to know how the newlyweds in these societies react to the gifts.  Would our friends from these countries care to comment?

A light-hearted banter

Recently one of my blogging friend said her dream man should be tall. A married blogging buddy commented that she is married to short man. So there are still ladies out there who prefer short men.

This set me thinking why some women prefer tall men. The reason given by the first friend is that so she can continue to wear her high-heeled shoes which she adores. What other fascinating, amusing and even outrageous reasons are there for this preference?

By now you would have known I’m a male – so I don’t know all the reasons for this preference- would you ladies like to enlighten me.

This is more than just pure curiosity, for I am personally short in stature, so personal interest is involved here. Just give your reasons, don’t worry about bruised egos! No way would I be rattled nor would my ego be bruised for I had long accepted that this is something I was born with which cannot be changed. I assure you it won’t cause me to commit suicide. 

There are also many advantages for being short. For one, we don’t get our heads knocked against low ceilings and doorways. We are more comfortable travelling economy class in airplanes. We can buy more compact cars. Our clothing cost us less as we need less cloth for our trousers, coats and shirts. Physically we are more stable as we are closer to ground gravity. We are more agile and mobile than our taller counterparts. A recent research claims we have better chances of not contracting prostate cancer. See, I told you I’m well adapted.

May the ladies be given the wisdom to see the inner beauties and positive qualities in short men! And they are quite evident, you know.

Parade of personalities

If you are in a corporate environment and have several people working under you,  you would definitely come across many types of people, a variety of different personalities. One group you may feel pity for, another you may sympathise with, one type you may have neutral feeling towards, another pure disgust, while another you may have admiration for. I will try to list the types I had come across and I doubt it would be differ greatly from yours.

‘The Clueless’ :  These are the naive ones who have no idea what are expected of them and they also have no idea what to expect. In friendlier environment they may be able to coast along. But if the environment is more hostile, they may find themselves forced out.

‘The Meek’ :  These people may possess some direction and purpose but they are too shy to let others know of them. They keep these bottled up inside themselves and are not assertive. They are too timid even to be seem as assertive. They are not the trouble makers but may be the frustrated ones in the organisation.

‘The Non-figthers’: These are the ones who usually accept what are dished out to them. They seldom give voice to their opinions, they would be happy just to be left alone to do their things. They are the fence-sitters in the company.

‘The Fighters’: These people will fight for anything, they willingly take up any cause, whether the causes involve them or not. They usually like attention and if there are union in the organisation, they would most likely be the union activists.

‘The Schemers’ :  These are the dangerous one, they scheme and plot the whole time. Some are the silent type while some are talkative. The sole purpose of their clandestine activities are for their own personal gains and self advancement. They too are the ones who play up to the bosses, but they usually do that behind the backs of their colleagues.

‘The Apple-polishers’: These people play up to the bosses on every occasion and right in front of everybody. They are not shy about it even though the ways they do it usually lacks finesse. Everyone can see through them.

‘The Trouble-makers’: These people seem to have nothing on their minds but just to go all out to make troubles for others. They are loose with their mouths, they gossip and worst of all they create stories. After their ‘true colors’ are revealed they are avoided and in some cases ostracised but they usually don’t change.

‘The Toxics’ :  These are the worst kind, the category above has the bad habit but these ones have the ‘bad hearts.’ They are more like the combination of ’the schemers’ and ‘the trouble-makers’. If you have one in your organisation, then have mercy on those other people who happen to step on their toes or who are in their way to the top. They can be merciless and they usually ‘borrow’ others’ knives to do the stabbings.

‘The show-offs’:  These are the most irritating kind, they like to be No. 1 in everything and on every occasion. Their incessant trumpeting drives you crazy. But they don’t pipe down or slow down, their restraints vapourise the minute the next subject comes up.

‘The Hoarders’ : These are the attention-grabbers.  They have the skill to turn and twist everything to thier advantage. They just want all the credits for themselves, they don’t care two hoots about the facts. Too bad you are there, too bad you are irritated, too bad you are annoyed. They place no restraints or constraints to satisfy their egos.

Of course there are  the good, kind and considerate ones too.

‘The Caring Lot’: This lot concerns themselves with the well-being and welfare of their colleagues. They extend themselves in areas where their colleagues are facing difficulties and problems. Giving a helping hand in completing work or saying words of comfort when they are required.

‘The Respectful and obliging youngsters’:   This group is a boss’ dream, they are not only obliging but also respectful. They come in with a very clear set of values which include gratefulness. They treat the seniors with total respect because to them they are learning from the seniors.  They are obliging in attitude and are always respectful even in the most difficult and demanding situations.

‘The Altruistic Lot’ :   These group of people are selfless, free of ego, and are free of fear of others overtaking them. They are always prepared to impart what they know to others. They have the good of the team and organisation at heart. They are altruistic in all areas – in time, energy and even in money. A boss is truly blessed to have such people working under him.

The Chinese has a saying which roughly translated goes something like – ‘ One species of rice feeds hundreds kinds of men’. This list surely gives much credence to the saying. Which group do you belong to? Which group do you aspire to be in?

May we always be mindfulness in what we do and may we always make the better choice.

Come visit again. Thank you.

Weekend of peace and quiet

Spent the weekend attending a silent, food and drink abstinence retreat. Noise surrounds us wherever we go and is now our constant companion. Food and drink are within our easy reach, sometimes we are not even conscious that we reaching for them.  We even indulge in them when there is no real necessities. The retreat came somewhat as a wake-up call, to remind me that I have been guilty of these excesses and more importantly that something can be done about them.

Silence was observed the whole two days.  ‘Silence is said to be golden’, this I suspect must had come from someone who was a recluse. Try restraining yourself from speaking when you were surrounded by many others, it was a real challenge. On the morning of the first day, many unconsciously broke the silence as they naturally wished each other good morning.

The first objective of the retreat was achieved without the instructor having to point it out to us. The message that we are unmindful of our actions was amply demonstrated through our own actions.

We were also to abstain from taking food and drinks for the duration of the retreat. No one was seen to have broken the rule but we didn’t know what they did in the privacy of their own rooms. The objective of this abstinence was spelt out clearly to us, it wasn’t so much to detox our systems but to teach us mindfulness – mindfulness of our good fortunes and of the sufferings of others.

It is hope with having a clear understanding of unmindfulness/mindfulness of our own unmindful actions, our sense of gratefulness for the all the good things we have received will surface which hopefully will lead to the generation of the attitude of spontaneous sharing, genuine care, true concern for others and undisguised love for all others. Or rather, it is hope, at least the seed of this had been planted inside us who were there at the retreat.

May we develop mindfulness for the sake of all beings.

The Good side of Malaysians

On July 11 under the above title I wrote about Father Bala, a Catholic priest who selflessly started a home for the less-priviledged children and is continuing to do so even when he has retired from the ministry.

I promised to get the address for those who may want to  visit the home or who have the desire to help out.

The address is: 144 Jalan Parameswara, 75000 Melaka.

May Father Bala and the children have good health and much happiness.

Peace and Quiet

A news report gives the reasons why the average Brit only gets 63 minutes of peace and quiet a day.

It says silence is now a thing of the past in the majority of British homes as they are bombarded with sound from the moment they wake up until bedtime.  This barrage of sound come from the unceasing use of the television, radio, the internet and phone causing millions of people never enjoying peace and quiet for a moment.

A recent Ofcom report shows that adults in the UK are now taking in more than 50 hours of media per week. The media research consultancy M-Lab followed up with a report on the impact of this increase in media consumption on the British home lives.

A study shows on television watching revealed that the Brits are constantly bombarded with noise from this media and only have 63 minutes of ‘media silence’ a day. This means the British adults now have only one hour (63 minutes) per day of ‘media silence’ at home.

It comes out with a startling finding that almost one in three (31per cent) British homes now have media on all the time while at home, and a further 22 per cent have only half an hour or less each day with no media playing.

M-Lab’s survey also revealed that bedrooms are one of the last places in homes where people ’switch off’, but even this is changing 32 per cent now wake up to the sound of TV or radio, and 71per cent say that some kind of media consumption is the last thing they do before going to sleep at night.

Perhaps not surprisingly, more than one in four adults (27per cent) say that having a TV in the bedroom is affecting their sex life for the worse.

The M-Lab research also asked about the devices that most annoy those surveyed at home. The ‘noisy’  culprits are clearly the landline phones, mobile phones, alarm clocks, washing machines, TVs, vacuum cleaners, and smoke alarms.

Graham Williams, Director of M-Lab, said: ‘If you add it all up, the average person now spends more time on TV, radio, internet and phone calls than they actually spend at home.

‘That explains why many so people now watch TV and surf the net at the same time – if we weren’t, we’d have no quiet time left at all.

‘Usually the summer months find us consuming less media, but with the Olympics, many of us will not have taken our usual summer break from media consumption and as the evenings get shorter, life will become increasingly media-heavy over the next few months.

‘For many of us, switching on media when we get home is as automatic as switching on the lights from the moment our clock-radio wakes us in the morning to the moment we switch off the TV or check our last email at night, media is a constant companion.

‘For some people, background noise provides a vital sense of security and companionship, but for others, preserving a bit of quiet time for ourselves, or to spend with our families, is getting increasingly difficult.

‘We are clearly reaching a limit here media companies have almost no space left to fill in our home lives.

‘The opportunity to increase overall consumption now lies in reaching people on the move through mobile devices, or in leisure venues,’ Mr Williams said.

‘There is also a big opportunity for media brands who can exploit the simultaneous use of the internet and other media.

‘For consumers, life will be more crowded than ever, but on the plus side, greater control over content will mean that irrelevant and intrusive media will be squeezed out of existence.’

From what have been described, many Asian homes are also not very far behind. We are also constanly allowing ourselves to be bombarded by the same media as we get addicted to these modern devices. In Asia the noise from outside our homes is bad enough without us adding more noise from inside our own homes. But it looks like if we want to make a difference here we need to be more mindful of what devices we use in our homes. Or at least how we use these appliances. We need to be more aware how our automatic daily actions add on to this noise pollution. For if left uncontrolled it will distract us, disturb our inner peace and even affect our health.

May we have the wisdom, mindfulness and awareness with us always!

“Bonfire”, how did it originate?

Bonfires are held by scouts and girl-guides around the world, years in and years out but the origin of the bonfire is not really known to many. Here is a chance for them to learn how it came about.

“Bonfire”

Nowadays one has to wait until the last surviving relative of someone buried in a churchyard has died before one can relocate gravestones or disturb any grave, but in the Middle Ages it was the practice to dig up the bones after about twenty five or thirty years and put them into the charnel house.

When the charnel house became full, the bones were taken out and burnt on a bonefire, which later became bonfire.

This also comes from the book by Tony Wootton and Gwen Zanzottera titled “By Hook or by Crook”. I will continue to share them with you by instalments. Hope you enjoy reading them.

“Bless You” – a commonly used phrase. How did it come about?

Everyone of us who uses the English Language would have used this phrase. We use it with the desire to see the persons we wish upon has divine blessings or when we see a person sneezes.  Here is the story as told by Tony Wootton and Gwen Zanzottera in their book, “By Hook or by Crook.”

BLESS YOU

It was thought at one time that when you sneezed your soul jumped out of your body, and so people said Bless you to ensure your soul was not ensnared by the devil and that it jumped back into your body.

Of course, not many of us believe this anymore, but we still use it when other sneeze. The other usage of this phrase needs no explanation.

Bless you in all circumstances!

“Beyond the pale” – how did it come into being?

This is a less seldom used phrase, I myself didn’t know how to use it before. The story goes as follows:

“Beyond the pale”

This phrase probably has come from the days of motte and bailey castles in Norman times. The two ditches round the mound (motte) were fenced in with a wooden paling fence. Any people misbehaving were put beyond the paling fence, i.e. outside the bounds of the castle and thus outside any protection.

This may be where another saying comes from. There were often prisoners kept in the wooden tower on the top of the mound and if these prisoners behaved themselves they were sometimes allowed out on the bailey (the area between the two circular ditches) – thus being let out on bail.

At least I now know how ‘let out on bail’ was derived. Everythime I read phrases from this book it brings a smile to my face. Hope it does the same to you.

This is taken from “By Hook or by Crook’ written by Tony Wootton and Gwen Zanzottera.

Varied reasons why people are working past retirement

Retirement means different things to different people. Some look forward very much for retirement  while others loathe the thought of it. The reasons how each person arrives at his particular choice are many and varied. There is no right or wrong choice, as long as one is happy it should be the right choice. Below is an article written on the retirees’ scenario in the US. But the picture is pretty much the same the world-over.

Millions of Americans are laboring right past the traditional retirement age and with some working into their late 60s and beyond.

Many of these people are forced to work past their retirement because they do not have sufficient savings. Some claim the extra work help “keep their heads above water”, others see no end in sight to their financial needs at age 68.

Others who are not strapped for cash choose to work because they like the extra cash and the feeling of being needed (emotional need).

Other continue to work because of the fear the carry in them - that “financially I’m kind of scared most of the time. Because what should happen if my health and my body fail?”

A slowing economy and the bad stock market conditions, has precipitated the squeezing of funds set aside for their retirement, thus making it necessary for them to do something to shore up their funds.

Many are forced to  push back their planned retirement date because of the economic downturn. But on the other hand , the greater demand for experienced workers has offered an opportunity the retirees are finding too hard to turn down.

Many older people are now enjoying much better health and thus are having a longer life-span. This has made working past retirement a tempting alternative.

Another attraction drawing retirees or to-be retirees to carry on working are what the additional earnings can do for them on hobbies, travel, education or other retirement dreams.

Many retirees and those who are about to retire regret for not having saved sufficiently when they were younger and were working.  After losing their jobs as engineers and scientists, they now stock shelves just to survive. But they hide when fellow retirees come in, because they don’t want people they knew from their country clubs and higher-income jobs to see them.

It is not right when people work out of desperation and not choice, in other words, it carries little dignity. Some of these people work because they are supporting their grandchildren.

May each one of us find happiness in the choice we make.

“Back to Square One”, how did it originate?

Each one of us has used this phrase before but how many of us know how this phrase come into being. This is a frequently used saying so it would be good to know its origin. Thanks to  Tony Wootton and Gwen Zanzottera who wrote “By Hook or by Crook’, we know can know its origin.

“Back to Square One“

This is a saying which dates back to the nineteen thirties when football matches were broadcast and a plan of the pitch was published, all marked out into squares. After each move on the pitch, the commentator gave the number of the square so that the listener knew exactly where the action was. Square one was the goalkeeper’s square so when the ball was passed back to the goalkeeper, it was back to square one.

Report card

I’ve been gauging what impact my stay in the UK for the past 11 weeks has on my relationship with my youngest daughter there. This is only one part of my concern and interest, we met one there but we left 3 here in Malaysia, so my I am keen to see what our being away have meant in this area.

This is the first time my wife and I had been away from home for so long, so what harm or benefit had come out of this? I see they had emerged no worst for it, so what sort of report card would I issue?

They had passed with flying colours and they obtained high marks in bonding exercises, in doing house-keeping chores, in taking care of parents, in discharging duties entrusted to them, and in giving us a care-free holiday.

It was most gratifying to see that they had religiously kept phone contact with their mom and me, that they talked frequently with their sister in the UK enquiring about our welfare. It was certainly a pleasing feeling to come back to a well kept house and to beds which had clean sheets laid out. Our hearts were beaming with glee when our second daughter took leave so that she could fetch us from the airport and had enough care to take us out  to taste our Malaysian food that very evening. The chores entrusted to them were well done, with all carried out to our satisfaction. The house altar was neat and clean and the offerings were all laid out correctly. The plants were all striving. There was no laundry or dishes left undone, and my personal matters were all taken care of without causing me any anxiety. I think that they had done to the best of their abilities to make this an enjoyable trip for us. It was definitely a care-free, trouble-free, anxiety-free trip for us. Thank you children.

May all parents be able to enjoy such happy times.

Their problems are ours too!

Wall Street giant, Lehman  has filed for bankruptcy and thousands of people are going to be laid off. In the UK alone 5,000 people had lost their jobs. Let us all (no matter where we are in this world) spare a thought for them and their family members. These people are part of us, they are fellow citizens in this world we live in. Most of them would be like us, many would have financial obligations to bear, the younger members would have families to look after and in a credit crunch such as the one that is looming, they would be very anxious as to whether they could find alternative employment real soon. Whatever we are doing now, let us stop and let each of us say a prayer for them.  May our combined prayers bring them peace and comfort. May they have clarity of mind and the strength to weather this confusing, anxious and troubled time.

“Above Board”, how did it originate?

Feeling a bit of a jet-lag, couldn’t sleep, so decided to put this out. The explanation for this saying is rather long, anyway what is written is quite amusing. Enjoy it.

“Above Board”

In the Middle Ages, the word ‘table’ had not yet arrived from France and you ate from a ‘board’ (a Scandinavian word), supported on trestles. This board was rough on one side, the side you ate your meals on, and smooth and polished on the other. The meal was eaten and then the board was turned so that all the scraps fell onto the floor and the polished side was then uppermost (you took the rough with the smooth).

The board was used for games, which were marked on the surface of the board, and were thus board games. If you won by a large margin or won all the games you would sweep the board, but you had to keep your hands showing to prove that you were not cheating and so everything was above board.

The head of the household was the only one of the family to sit in a chair with arms as he was the only person in the house to have idle hands, and so he was the Chairman in the house. If he held a meeting of his servants or estates workers, they all sat round the board and it was a board meeting and he was the Chairman of the Board.

If a band  of strolling players came to the village, the farm carts were gathered together and the boards from various homes placed on top of the carts to form a flat surface, and so the actors trod the boards.

If visitors came to stay the night and the best bed (reserved for visitors) was full, then the borad could be placed on the straw on the floor or left on the supporting trestles to offer bed and board.  There was often a ledge round the walls of the room upon which to lodge your bottom while you ate, so if you stayed overnight and then ate with the family, you were offered board and lodging.

Interesting and amusing, don’t you think so?

Source: ‘By Hook or By Crook” by Tony Wootton & Gwen Zanzaottera.

Homeward bound

After spending 83 days with my daughter here in the UK, my wife and I would be heading home today. By the time some of you read this we would be on our way to Malaysia. Before we embarked on the journey and when we first arrived here we saw 83 days as a very long time. But now, we are on our return journey.

How has this trip been? I’m very grateful to have taken this trip, I view it with tremendous satisfaction. I would consider it a positive, joyful, happy and rewarding trip. It provided me with many learning opportunities which had led me to review, reassess and alter many of my opinions and assumptions.

Positive because every event , every encounter has brought nothing but positive results.

Joyful because every encounter strengthened our bonds with others. It was also a joy to see our daughter graduating with a PhD, a joy because I was able to indulge in my favorite activity of playing with children (abandoned myself with my grand nephew).

Happy because we had a fabulous time visiting different parts of Britain and experiencing a culture very different from our own. I was also very pleased as I was able indulge in one of my hobbies – photography – extensively.

And rewarding because it brought my wife, my daughter and I closer and also we had the chance to build a meaningful bond with our nephew. It was also here, with the encouragement of my daughter, that I started this blog.

I am happy many areas that it touched are areas concerning relationship and interaction. I take these areas to be of great importance for I believe if I choose to be happy and want to have happiness in my relationships with my loved ones, these areas cannot be neglected or ignored.

As mentioned earlier the trip offered me the opportunity not only to bond with my daughter and but also my nephew (see revisiting-my-nephew-in-brough-northern-england). My nephew and I, both agreed that such bonding would not have taken place if we were in Malaysia. The visits to his home offered us quality time together where we were able to know each other better.

My daughter and I got something valuable out of the trip too. I got  a clear understanding how she wants us to treat her, a fair idea of what she intends to do from here on, and some of her concern and her worries at this stage of her life. We are much at ease as we have seen for ourselves that she is capable of looking after herself.

My daughter would by now have a fair idea of the depth of our concern and love for her and her siblings. She would have a better appreciation of why we as parents find it hard to let go most of the time.

We are happy that the trip has helped chip away at the wall that separates two different generations. We are grateful we are so blessed. Don’t you agree with me that it was a great trip!?

May wisdom never desert us, may others have the chance to enjoy the same experiences.

Hey, ladies go into your relationships with your eyes opened!

Ladies don’t say you are not forewarned. You have yourselves to blame if after you have read these two blogs and you still enter into relationships with narcissists. Girls spread the words around and teach them ‘narcissists’ a real lesson. Don’t believe that love is blind, usually it is we who choose to be blind.

10-Signs-You-are-Dating-a-Narcissist.161971

246-nine-signs-that-youre-dating-a-narcissist

Print them out and paste them somewhere you can be reminded everyday. 

May wisdom help the ladies to keep mindfulness and awareness with them when they are choosing partners.

A good advice not wise enough to take up

I am now recalling a conversation I had with one of my classmate. This was way back in the nineteen sixties. She was a year or two younger than me. She asked me a question that had stayed with me all these years. I think it will stay with me forever.

She asked a question which was very common, nothing out of the ordinary. But the comment she made on my answer was what stayed with me. It didn’t caused me sleepless nights when the conversation was over but as as the years progressed it started to dawn on me how wise my friend was.

Through the ages this innocent question has been asked by thousands, if not millions, by people off their friends. It is nothing more than “What do you want to be”? At that stage of my life, I had many different ideas of who I wanted to be. Options floated in and out of my mind, some staying longer than others. How did this state of affair come to be? Simple, I was then a young man whose feet were not firmly on the ground. What I thought I wanted to be at any given moment then was definitely not based on anything solid. What my chosen ambition was at any point of time then depended on what was the subject, thing or person that had caught my interest or imagination. I would like to be a lawyer one day, a social worker the next, a diplomat the day after and it went on, and on.

When the question was put to me by my friend, I was caught a bit off guard, so to save myself from embarrassment, I blurted out – ‘a writer’. I gave this answer because I was praised by my English teacher in one of my essays sometime prior this conversation and also I had always have a keen interest in reading. Subconsciously I gave an answer that at least had some basis to it.

My friend asked -”Have you practise writing anything”? Again my ego was dealed another blow. I had to admit I had not done anything. Then came the punch that left a deep imprint in my memory. “How can you hope to be a writer if you don’t start practicing. You should you know”.

This sentence is the good advice I have mentioned earlier and it is one I didn’t take up. I regret for ignoring it for had I taken up the advice I might have been a writer now whose works are read by millions. Instead I end up being a blog writer whose pieces are read only by a few hundreds (and that is also because these people happened to come across the articles by accident).

Any young persons who happen to read this, my advice is, if you have an ambition make sure you practise and hone the skills required in your chosen professions. Don’t make the same mistake I had made.

May your feet be firmly on the ground and may your dreams be fulfilled.

Do as I do …

These photos tell a story. Take a close look and see what you think the story line is. Observe what the mother was doing, what do you think the ducklings were doing. They were observing the action of their mom, right? Look, look at them.

Look carefully at this second picture and what have you pick up? The mom was still putting its head beneath the water searching for food. And the two young ones? They were still watching what their mom was doing. See the intense concentration on the part of the ducklings.

And this last photo, what were the youngsters doing? They were imitating the action of their mother! See whose turn it was then to observe the action of the ducklings with intensity? The mother, she must be very proud for she could see she has taught well!

We human beings are no different, children are always observing all the adults’ actions. Yes, this is the frightening part, they are observing all the adults’ actions. Obviously, some of the deeds and words done and uttered by the adults are far from lessons they want to pass down to the kids or wish them to learn. But the kids are all the while silently hearing and observing, then taking it all in and internalizing them.

How I wished I had someone constantly reminding me to be mindful with my words and deeds when my children were in their formative ages. It would have been much more beneficial all round had there been someone to prop me to be more mindful, more deliberate in my words and deeds. Adults should always keep this awareness with them – they are not playing role models, they are the actual role model!

Young parents, may you always be aware that you are helping to shape young lives and may you always be mindful of your words and deeds.

Caesarean births affect bonding between babies and mothers

Every generation thinks of their own era as the ‘modern times’. In this modern times many mothers opt to have their babies by caesarean section. Many do it for health reasons, many also do it for safety reasons. But there are many who do it as a ’lifestyle choice’. Not too respectfully, this choice has been dubbed as the  ’too posh to push’ choice.

Whatever the choice, British and US scientists have now reveal some findings which may be useful for those mothers who have to go the caesarean section way and  also for mothers who choose to take the lifestyle choice. This information will help bonding between the babies and the mothers. It is a useful piece of information.

Scientists claim mothers who have their babies delivered naturally  are more emotionally responsive to the cries of their babies. And mothers who delivered their babies by Caesarean section may feel less attached to their babies.

They reason this is because part of the brain believed to regulate our emotions, motivation and habitual behavior are not as strongly activated in Caesarean mothers as they are in mothers who have natural births. “Strongly activated’ certainly gives us a very clear picture of how the activation process of our emotions, motivation and habitual behavior work. More interestingly these scientists say the difference may be explained by a ‘bonding’ hormone (Oxytocin) released in the brain during labour. It is also known as the ‘love hormone’ or ‘cuddle chemical’. It is this hormone that creates feelings of attachment in both humans and animals. It is also produced in women during breast feeding and sex.

Mothers who have their babies delivered by Caesarean section are advised to cuddle the new babies against their skin straight after birth. 

Mothers who have a choice, consider your choice carefully, though it has not been firmly established, the Caesarean section operation is linked with post-natal depression.

The findings – based on just 12 American mothers – are published today in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

I as a layman see logic in the findings. If you have expended much more emotional and physical energies into the birthing process and if the pain you suffered is much more intense, it makes sense the bonding between you and your baby would also be much more intense. The law of harvest in play.

May all mothers and newborns be safe and may the babies bring much joy and happiness into their families.

Wondering aloud

I am a man living a life of quiet desperation in my own home.  I don’t know if there any more like me out there. Hope there aren’t too many. I’m not desperate for money for I’m not in any financial trouble, nor am I desperate because of  a death threatening situation, I’m in the pink of health. My desperation is of another kind.

I had been a self-assured and confident man as regards to my role as a father and to the discharging of a father’s responsibilities. I was sure that I had shown enough love to my children, that I’d given them adequate care and concern when they were growing up. I seen myself having provided adequately for them in material comfort and that I had given them enough guidance on how to be responsible citizens. Having done all these I assured myself that I had done a more than adequate job. Or to confess, deep in my heart I have always thought I had done a pretty decent job. Reaching this stage of life which I am in now, I thought I could sit back and reap the harvest for the work I had put in. I had envisaged a zero-barrier relationship with my children. I had always dreamt of a chatty, light-hearted,carefree and cheerful relationship.

Boy, was a surprise lay in store for me!?  I could never had created a bigger surprise for myself!  I’m bewildered at how things have turned out. I’m amazed at how reality can be so different  from what I’d envisaged. Had I lived in a fantasy world of my own, dreaming my own sweet dreams, deluding myself to believe I had done well and enough and could now expect some rewards.

Don’t get me wrong, it Isn’t that my children are bad, or that they don’t love me, not that they don’ care for me or are not concerned for me. Nor are they an irresponsible lot. They do love me, they do care and are concerned for me and they are responsible people  but there is something missing, something I wish for. That something is meaningful conversation between us. This is something I dearly want to have in our relationship and I’m sure this is what all other fathers also wish to have.

I am now in a daze. Where have I gone astray, what have I missed? Am I expecting too much from the children? I don’t think so for I see no gap in my children’s communication with their mother. My children can be chatting with their mom and laughing merrily away, while I am left out in all of this even though I am physically in the vicinity. This merriment and gaiety can just clamp up as soon as my presence is felt. Or more correctly put, as soon as the shadow of my presence or a slight sniff  of my presence is felt.  I witness this happening in other families too. Come to think of it, I’m certain there are many in my category. Now, I”m quite sure I’m not the only poor chap suffering in quiet desperation.

What has gone wrong along the line? Has the communication connection been wired wrongly? Is there a lesson to be learnt here for young fathers? A lesson not to be over confident in your own efforts, opinions, not to assume too much, not to give too much credits for your own deeds. A lesson that all fathers shouldn’t place too much expectations from children-parent relationship? I think there is also a lesson for the children here.

I believe we are all ‘works-in-progress’ and I also view this relationship of mine with my children also as a piece of work-in-progress, so I am certain things will work out alright in the end. May there be joy, happiness and warmth in all children-father relationships around the world.

Height and prostate cancer.

I think I better put in a disclaimer first, I am a short guy but I am not bad-hearted and I did not make up all this stuff, okay? So here is the story:-

Researchers at four universities studied more than 9,000 men, some of them had prostrate cancer and other did not. What they found is that taller men are more likely to develop prostate cancer.

They found a man who was over a foot taller than the shortest person in the project had a 19 per cent increased risk of developing the cancer. The risk of prostate cancer rose by six per cent for every 10 centimetres in height. 

Two new studies had shown that high calcium levels in the blood and height increase a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. No suggestion was made for taller men to go for screening more often than usual because they said age, family history and race remain the biggest cancer factors.

Scientists, up to now, are still puzzled by what cause the cancer even though prostate cancer is the second most commonly diagnosed form of cancer in men worldwide. 780,000 men diagnosed to have contracted this disease per year. 

Lead author Luisa Zuccolo, of Bristol University’s Department of Social Medicine said: ‘Little is known on the causes of prostate cancer and this association with height has opened up a new line of scientific inquiry.

‘We speculate that factors that influence height may also influence cancer and height is therefore acting as a marker for the causal factors.’

Zuccolo said one factor could be the production of Insulin-Like Growth Factor-1 (IGF-1), which stimulates growth, and is known to be involved in prostate cancer progression.

But she added: ‘Compared to other risk factors, the magnitude of the additional risk of being taller is small, and we do not believe that it should interfere with preventive or clinical decisions in managing prostate cancer.’

The results will be published in this month’s issue of Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers & Prevention, a journal of the American Association for Cancer Research.

May all men be spared from prostrate cancer, may they be tall or short!

What’s in a name?

In the past in many Asian cultures names were given after much deliberations and thoughts. In some societies ’spiritual help’, fortune-tellers and learned scholars were consulted for auspicious choices. The names chosen usually had significant connotations. They could be chosen to show the elders’ love for the infants, or they could be chosen to indicate the aspirations the elders had for the young babies. There were many other reasons that determined which names were chosen. Of course, superstition had its part to play, some names were chosen with the hope they could ward off untoward incidents in the lives of their off-springs.

Life should be made more interesting and more meaningful for each individual. I am going to suggest a person should have two names in his lifetime. One to be given at birth, (usually by the guardians) and the other when he reaches a ‘ripe old age’ -(he to determine for himself the age).

When he reaches the ‘ripe old age’, he should reflect on his life’s journey and then chooses a name that best sums up his life experience. He gets to choose a name that best describes who he is. It would be interesting and meaningful, wouldn’t it?

When someone else read the name then he would know the story behind the name. Shouldn’t names be given for such a purpose?

May all names bring good health and happiness to us.

The stubborn streak in each of us.

The facts are all there, the dangers and diseases we know them and have seen them, the pains and sufferings that it inflicts have all been witnessed, yet we just continue to allow this devastating habit to hold us in its grip.

We have the faculties to reason and to choose and we always want the best for ourselves, so why do we still indulge in a habit that does us all harm and no good?

We have the inborn love for our children and have the protective instinct to want to shelter our loved ones from hardship, yet we knowingly stick to the habit that will eventually bring them pain, misery and sorrow.

Why, why then, aren’t we using our given faculties, why aren’t we taking cognizance of what disaster this habit can cause and why then aren’t we protecting the ones we love and whom we want to see happy?

Is it the stubborn streak in us that is stopping us from using the faculties we have?  Is it this same stubborn streak that is blinding us from seeing all the evidences placed in front of our very eyes? Is this stubborn streak the culprit that forces us to forsake our loved ones even though we are well aware that the continuation of this habit will cause us to part with our loved ones earlier and with much regret?

Through our uncritical and unmindful learning process we have not learnt the art of reflection and quiet contemplation. Thus, even though we may possess good faculties and noble intentions, we often end up doing things we know to be detrimental to our own health and the happiness of our families! One such harmful acts is the habit of smoking.

Wish we could be as tenacious in reflecting on matters that affect our lives as we are in pursuit  of  doing the things we like. May we have the strength to discard habits that are detrimental to happiness!

Another Step to prevent miscarriage

Women who desire to have babies would do anything to protect their pregnancies and have them complete their full terms. Carrying the babies in them are  unique emotional experiences only mothers can appreciate.

Miscarriages would be an unthinkable option. But no matter how much they are dreaded and no matter how hard we wish them away, they do still occur sometimes. These are heart-wrenching experiences we do not wish on anyone.

There is good news coming from Dr. Faizah Mukri and his team. They are from St. George’s Hospital, London. They believe they are a step closer to understanding how miscarriages occur. In all the failed cases his research team had studied, they found the babies that were lost had failed to grow properly in the first few weeks of life. In these failed pregnancies , they found the ‘crown rump length’ (CRL) of the of the foetuses were ’significantly smaller’.

The doctor feels it would be ideal if women can go for a scan before the twelfth week to check on their foetuses’ crown rump lengths. This I am sure most mothers will gladly do.

We wish all the ladies who wish to have babies trouble-free pregnancies and may their babies be healthy.

A new Addiction ?

Do you feel stressed when you’re away from the internet? Do your brain activity and blood pressure increase when you are unable to get online? If the answers to both questions are in the affirmative, then my friends you have got internet dependency or ’discomgoogolation’. See how much internet has pervaded our lives , we even have a word to describe our internet withdrawal symptoms.

Remember the word – Discomgoogolation – it means a ‘feeling of distress and anxiety’ suffered by people who cannot Google what they want when they want. Or a ‘feeling of distress or anxiety when unable to gain immediate information access’.

The downside of ‘discomgoogolation’ is the ‘addicts’ are paying the net more attention than their partner while others said the loss of the web at home was worse than being without electricity.

Dr David Lewis, a pshychologist said: ‘The proliferation of broadband has meant that for the first time in history we have entered a culture of “instant answers” a galaxy of information is just a mouse click away and we have become addicted to the web”. He warns this growing obsession with the net has a negative impact on the health.

This comparison was given – the stress felt of being disconnected was equivalent to that of running half an hour late for a key meeting, being about to sit an important exam or, in the worst cases, being sacked. Don’t you think this is serious? Don’t you think it is a cause for concern?Some psychiatrists have have even deemed this as a serious public health problem and that it should be officially recognised as a clinical disorder.

If you still don’t take this seriously just see what those who have been so affected have to say of their’ addiction’ :

- they cannot live without the internet as they spend ever more time emailing, playing online games and viewing porn.

- they are on the net for up to four hours a day and almost half said they feel frustrated and confused when cut off.

- men were found to become most stressed when denied access to the net in the evenings while women suffer when they cannot get online during the day.

- Friday emerged as the most stressful day to be disconnected because it prevents them planning their weekends using the search engine Google.

- they were especially stressful when they are out and about. They often need to make many short-notice decisions at this time but feel they are doing so without the full information the internet usually gives them.

- they now rely on the internet as their main source of information and they would be at a loss where to look without it.

- some spend more time on the net than with their family in an average week.

- they also tend to have more arguments, suffer from fatigue, get lower marks in tests and feel isolated from society.

So if you have  such telltale symptoms like forgetting to eat and sleep, needing ever more advanced technology or need more hours online and experiencing genuine withdrawal symptoms when deprived of your computer, you better seek help.

May we have the wisdom to know when enough is enough.

Brutal Death for wanting to choose own husbands

Isn’t it sad that a human being can act so insensitively against another human being. Isn’t is sad too that such despotic and cruel act is still allowed to be camouflaged under the name of ‘tradition’ and still allowed to continue.

Three young women who wanted to pick their own husbands together with their two sympathisers were buried alive in a mass honour killing. They were abducted at gunpoint, beaten and shot before being thrown into a ditch. It seems they were still breathing as their bodies were covered with rocks and mud.

The incident occurred in Baba Kot, a remote village in Jafferabad district, Baluchistin, Pakistan after the young women decided to defy tribal elders and arrange marriages in a civil court, according to the Asian Human Rights Commission.

This incident will definitely spark indignation in many countries across all the continents. Many men and women would be aghast at the blatant brutality perpetrated in the name of ‘tradition’. This sort of dictatorial and oppressive behavior is downright offensive to human decency. It is an age-old issue that cannot be changed by laws alone. Laws need to be enforced to be of use. To enforce the laws you need the will of the governments. Laws may speed up the change process but real change can only come through education. But how do you bring education to such remote communities to effect quick change in the people’s attitudes. Modern societies can name many defects of television but television may be the right answer here.

Let us all spare some thoughts to how young ladies in such communities suffer and let us use this to remind ourselves of the freedom we have. May happiness  be the given to all.

Cervical Cancer Jab – a preventive move.

The first batch of schoolgirls are being given cervical cancer vaccinations here against a virus (human papillomavirus – HPV) which causes cervical cancer. HPV causes around 70% of the cervical cancer cases here in Britain and claims the lives of more than a 1,000 women each year.

Called the Cervarix vaccination, this vacination works by targeting the human papillomavirus. This programme is targeted at  all girls up to the age of eighteen. 

The jab, which is not compulsory, but it is expected to revolutionise the approach to beating the disease. The vaccine is expensive, it costs around £300 for a full course and will be given in three doses over a six-month period.

Britain truly believes in preventive moves as shown by the adoption of this programme. This is a wise move as it will eventually cost the nation less in term of medical expenditures and more importantly it will save thousands of British women much suffering and pain. Wish more governments around the world would take such a far-sighted approach in disease prevention, it is a commendable move.

May more people be spared the sufferings brought upon by illnesses.